Deep Dog Walking Thoughts
by staceleo
Summary: Bella's life was now determined by reflections she had when walking her beloved dog. The animal had saved her from a broken heart. When a man plagued with a past that is full of sadness comes to her door can she save him or will it lead her to further heartbreak?
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Trio is almost over and this will take its place. I hope you like it. Thanks for reading.**

Chapter 1

_Deep Dog Walking Thoughts: _

_Change is in the air. _

_I feel it as the wind makes me snuggle into my sweatshirt._

_I can see it as the green of the trees are suddenly starting to be joined with reds and yellows. _

_I can smell it in the air and it stinks. Actually, that stink is a skunk. _

_The omen is still a fitting one._

The book club was Alice Whitlock's idea. Every Monday, I watched them stroll in with their coffee and bagels brought over from the diner next door. The trio heads to the little sitting area I had set up for paying customers to use to enjoy their books and then the ladies proceed to take up space. There was not a book in sight with this group. I watched as Kate Walker started to pull out an iPad out of her purse. Her frizzy, blonde ponytail waved around, as she tried to sneak the device past me.

"This is a device free zone, Katie!" I barked. Her big, blue eyes got even bigger as I caught her. I was Kate's friend a long time and I knew all the signs of her attempts to be sneaky.

"I just needed to check my calendar! Jimmy might have music after preschool, Bella!"

Liar. She had no schedule planned anywhere. Garrett was the organizer in the family. Kate just ran around town trying to keep her three boys from terrorizing the citizens. They were a bunch of adorable hellions. I loved them, but there was no way I would ever offer to babysit.

Alice pulled out her phone. Her dark hair fell in her eyes, as she slouched in her ratty sweater and held up her phone. "Just a phone, Hells Bells. I might get a client calling and I need you to simmer down, monkey."

My cranky friend was an artist who created large canvases of frightening images that some people actually wanted to buy. The book club was her way to hide out from her sweet, southern husband who made beautiful art that he was inspired to create after making love to her. Surprisingly, constant lovemaking made Alice want to hide in a dark bookstore from her husband. I would never imagine it would be an issue, but I never had the opportunity to have sex three or more times a day.

"Does that phone have any book apps that would link you to an online book seller?" I gave her the evil eye, but it didn't bother her one bit.

Alice just smiled and said flippantly, "I plead the fifth."

I was destined to become a harpy, old lady who yelled about those damn kids and their technology ruining the small business person. It was true though. My business was barely holding on and that was only because everyone in this town knew me since I was born. They felt bad for the poor Swan girl. I would take their pity. It was the only thing keeping me financially solvent.

I sighed and cursed Amazon. They were my enemy.

"I bought a copy from you!" Kind Jane announced in her quiet way, as she pulled out a mystery that just popped up on the _New York Time's Bestsellers_ list. She had always been the girl in our group that would keep the rest of us in check with our sharp tongues. We almost got in fights with cheerleaders, the basketball team or even the science squad daily in our youth and Jane would sweet talk us out of being beat up. "There was this cute boy working two days ago—"

"Peter. I fired his ass. He was making photocopies of his butt with my copier and hiding them in my purse."

Alice almost fell out of her chair laughing. She calmed down and stated, "That explains the sign outside. You are looking for a new sucker to work for peanuts. That's why you got the butt artist."

"He seemed really nice. I always pick the worst ones," Jane lamented, as she tugged on a lock of her hair. We almost looked like sisters with our brown hair. I gave her a sympathetic smile. If I had a sister, I would want it to be her. Then she added something that made her shine even more, "I have a plan to help both of our businesses. This place has a kitchen and I have a catering licens—"

The girl was a genius! I quickly sat down. "Where's my coffee, so we can discuss this proposal."

"It's Alice's fault!" Kate blurted out.

"Don't blame me! Blame my caffeine addiction. I wasn't thinking clearly. It just popped out!" Alice looked visibly upset.

The bell on the door chimed and I heard the booming voice of my ex-boyfriend. "Sweets for my sweet!"

I turned to find my ex carrying a large coffee and a cheese danish in his hands from the diner he owned. Emmett McCarty might as well stab me in the heart with the plastic fork that he carried. Twist it around a bit and truly destroy my broken soul.

He was always one of the most handsome men that entered any room. Warm brown eyes, strong muscles and a charming face that even when he was crushing you dreams of happily ever after still attempted to make you smile. It was a large bag of bullshit.

The memories flooded back when he winked at me.

_The lovemaking was passionate again. The way he kissed me rippled through my whole body. The top of my head to the tip of my toes erupted in bliss. He pushed into my hard and whispered, "Baby, baby, baby—" _

_I usually hated that term of endearment, but it was beautiful to me at that moment. _

_We had grown so distant, but Emmett was my world. I had no idea what I had done to mess up our relationship, but appeared that all was forgiven._

_That was until I woke up alone. I sat up naked and sweaty, with my hair a bird's nest to look at him staring out the window. He was fully dressed and there was a frown on his face. "I can't do this anymore, little one." _

_"But last night. . . Wasn't I any good? Did I make a mistake?" I tried to hide my tears, but they snuck out anyway. _

_He turned to me with a sad expression, "It was amazing, Bella. It always is. We've been together since we were practically kids. I just think it would be a good thing to try new things." _

_"Is there someone else?" _

_"No. I just need a change." He wouldn't look me in the eye. He was a liar._

_The rumors about Emmett running around with Rosalie Hale were being whispered all over town. I heard them. The consensus was that the two of them fit, with his dark hair and football player build and her blonde waves and model good looks. I was just a nice girl that reached too far. I deserved what I got._

_"You shouldn't have had sex with me last night." I wrapped the sheets around myself tightly. I would never let him see my naked body again._

_"We made love, Bella," he stated sadly._

_I rolled my eyes. "Is this love too? I want a refund if it is." _

_"Let me hold you." He came towards me and I threw a book at his head._

_"Get out!"_

_"Bella, please—" _

_"Out! Now!" _

_I wiped my tears away and made a promised myself to never let him hurt me again._

"Leave, Emmett. I'll call my dad and he'll bring the shotgun." I gripped my knees and tried not to wring his neck. "I can make my own damn coffee."

"You're coffee tastes like shit, cutie." Emmett gave a smirk. "Let me take you and Clem out this weekend. I need a puppy play date."

"Her name is Clementine and stay away from my dog." I was seeing red.

I had heard that Emmett was still with Rosalie, but was constantly trying to get close to me again or close to my dog. I wasn't quite sure. Clementine was a mutt of unidentified classification that I loved more than anything else. She was big, loyal and mine.

"I just think—" he began.

That was when the most beautiful man came into the store. He was tall and had a face that looked as if it was carved by Michelangelo himself. I wanted to run my fingers through his auburn hair that made me think of a handful of shiny pennies. The Yale sweatshirt he wore made him seem youthful, but his eyes looked older as if he had seen much of the world and it was full of sadness.

"Is the owner here?" He glanced around nervously.

I got up and pushed past Emmett. Hot coffee sloshed on his hand making him wince. It was funny and I couldn't help snickering.

Jane sighed wistfully behind me. I couldn't help but agree. The stranger was quite the looker.

"I'm the owner, Bella Swan. Can I find a book for you?"

"I need a job." He was direct and to the point.

It was hard to look at him. It was like looking at the sun. He was so good looking it was almost blinding. I wanted to be brave and take a chance.

"I pay horribly. You might be able to afford peanut butter and generic bread on the salary you would make," I joked.

Not a hint of a smile appeared. "That's fine."

Okay.

"You've got a name?" I tried to get a read off of him, but it was impossible.

"Edward Cullen."

I held out my hand. He placed his in mine and it was electric. "Welcome aboard, Mr. Cullen."

He gave a fleeting smile. It was handsome, but I must not become smitten. I was going to keep this broken heart of mine safe.

"Bella! This guy is a stranger! You can't hire him!" Emmett complained.

I looked at Edward Cullen and cocked my head towards Emmett. "I have your first job."

"Yes?"

"Escort the giant idiot out!" I turned and sat down with the girls. They looked at me shock. This might just work after all.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Thank you all for reading.**

Chapter 2

_Deep Dog Walking Thoughts:_

_Smiles are wonderful things._

_You can change someone's whole day if you are kind enough to give someone a grin. _

_If you are an attractive, green-eyed curmudgeon and can't find a way to grace a customer with your pearly whites, you'll find yourself unpacking inventory in the back room. _

_The good news is I found who's playing The Grinch at the store's holiday party._

_Edward Cullen will look divine painted all green._

He was pouting by the cash register again, as I flipped on the lights. Edward came in everyday at the same time. He was there when I opened doors and left when I locked up at night. His unofficial uniform was a striped button-down and khakis. I wore old Nirvana concert tees and ripped jeans. The wrong one of us looked like the boss.

I put away my things under the counter and looked at him. "I'm going to make some coffee."

He huffed, "I'll make it myself. Your coffee is terrible."

"You keep drinking it!"

Edward rolled his eyes. "It's the only way I was going to stay awake in this place."

I watched as he stomped away. I really should fire him. Unfortunately, the back of him was as nice looking as his front. Basically, I had hired a cranky piece of eye candy. Yet sometimes, the sad look on his face as he gazed out the windows made my heart break and I would give him another chance.

It had been a week and mornings were still tense in the store. I looked around the dark room that was filled with oak shelves and old furniture with mismatched paisley and plaid fabrics that I found in local antique malls. What was possibly the most disgusting job around here that I could give him? I settled on toilet bowl cleaning. The picture of him with his fancy shirt sleeves rolled up and scrubbing out the bowl made me smile.

I grabbed my dust rag and couldn't help feeling the comfort at my real home. The shop was cozy like a grandparents' house that you visit when you're young and they fill you with cookies and chocolate milk. That was a close description to the store's former life. The old, baby blue Victorian was originally owned by Harrison and Matilda Cope who were siblings. The Cope family had owned large house since the early 1900's and it was a place that I loved with all my heart.

I had spent my summers pretending I was Anne of Green Gables, as I explored the hidden nooks of the house. The brother and sister watched me when my father had to work long shifts at the police department. Those were the days when my father would distantly play with his beard and reminisce about my dead mother while ignoring me, I felt like an orphan until my elderly friends made me a part of their world. They were my Marilla and Matthew that would allow me to play hide and seek under their thick, ruby velvet curtains. Matilda taught me to make jam and Harrison would play checkers with me for hours on end. They both taught me to love books.

When Harrison died last year and Matilda was going to the nursing home, I used my savings to buy the house and make repairs. It was a money pit, but Michael Newton and his wife Jessica wanted to demolish it and put up a new Shop & Dash. I would ever let that happen, so I put doctorate dreams aside and opened up the store. It was the best decision I ever made.

I started to dust a shelf of bestselling non-fiction books when Edward stuck a coffee in my face. "Milk and two sugars."

"You know how I take my coffee?" I dropped the dust rag on the floor and took the coffee. It smelled divine and much better than Emmett's.

He shrugged. "I grabbed some fresh coffee beans from the Weber's coffee shop. I could barely drink that canned stuff you bought."

I gave a little smile. "The Holy Bean. Did you know that the owner is a minister online. I used to work there after school with their daughter, Angela. He made us pray over the beans."

"This is an odd town, Miss Swan." He bent down to grab my rag and handed back to me. Tha man was always so serious.

"It is, but that's a part if his charm."

He ignored my words and looked around. "Should I scrub this place?"

"I was going to have you scrub the bathrooms. You read my mind, dear sir!"

Edward's frown deepened. "I was thinking about out here or in the used books room. It smells in here."

I sniffed the air and shot him a dirty look.

"It smells like parchment and ink! This is a bookstore and it smells like the books that reside in it."

He sighed and sat on the stool behind the counter. Edward's long fingers tapped on the wood. "You know it's easier to download on a tablet."

I think it would be a shame to bludgeon the handsome face of Edward Cullen with a hardback copy of War & Peace, but if it would knock some sense into him, I would.

"Mr. Cullen, the feel of the paper under your fingers as you turn the page to the next exciting development in the story is thrilling! A tablet loses power and you're stuck not knowing the twist!" I threw my hands up in the air. "What do you like to read?"

"I'm not much of a reader," he stated, as he stood and grabbed my rag. He started dusting the romance section.

"Dude, you work in a bookstore!"

He looked around him with a sigh, as he continued to dust halfheartedly. "I noticed."

That's when I had an idea.

"You don't look like a fan of the bodice rippers," I pointed out. He turned to me with his mouth wide open. I pushed his mouth shut and felt a momentary heat fill me at the feeling of his skin on mine. Shaking off the way I was drawn to him, I grabbed his arm and pushed him a chair and grabbed the rag away from him. I dropped it back on the floor. "Stay."

"What are you doing?" I placed his coffee in front of him on a small table and hurried to the stacks, as he continued to complain, "You really need to stop throwing things on the floor! No wonder no one comes in here!"

I peered at him from around a stack of books. "I'm the boss and you need to drink your java. Hush now!"

I went through the mysteries and shouted, "Eureka!"

The cream cover of the paperback was right in front of me and I pulled it out with a grin. I skipped over to Edward and dropped the book in his lap. "This is a masterpiece by Truman Capote called, _In Cold Blood_. Read it and I'll quiz you when you're done."

He looked at me angrily. "I should be working!"

"Your job is books and reading them for me is now a part of that job." I tapped the cover with my hand and rested it there.

We both looked down. My hand was on his dick. Technically, the book was on his dick, but my hand was practically touching it if that book slipped out from between. It was an uncomfortable moment, until Edward coughed and said, "I should get reading."

"Yes. I'll let you get right to it." I moved away quickly.

I needed to think about my options. He was going to sue me for sexual harassment and if I ever fire him, Edward was going to sue me for that too and take my dog. She was the only thing in my life worth anything.

This plagued my thoughts, until I turned to gaze at his beautiful profile. Edward's lips were turned up slightly in a smile. That's why he was here, because moments like this made my heart sing.

XXXXXX

The morning was brisk and I cringed as the breeze tickled my nose. Clementine wagged her tail happily as we walked down the trail. The rising sun hit her golden fur making the pup glow slightly. I was jealous of that fur. It was warmer than my fleece.

"Hey Bella, wait up!" I walked faster.

There had to be a shortcut around here so I could escape. A rabbit hole to hide in, perhaps?

"Bella!" Jacob Black's voice echoed through the forest. A large group of birds flew up into the air at the noise that interrupted their morning serenity. He wasn't dressed properly at all for the weather in his thin tee-shirt and shorts. "Can I walk with you?"

I had changed the time of my walk just to avoid Jake's running schedule. His oppressive, ongoing crush had continued on from high school. It was suffocating. I looked into his eager face with its warm, brown eyes and sighed. He was always a handsome guy with his dark, good looks and blinding white smile, but there was no spark.

Clementine growled. If my dog didn't think it was a good match than I didn't. It was a good rule to live by.

"I don't want to interrupt your run, Jake." I hoped that would get him moving on, but instead he peeled off his shirt.

The man had muscles everywhere. It made me feel odd just staring at him, half-naked in the cold. He reminded me too much of Emmett.

"You need to put that back on! It's freezing out here!" He was obviously insane. "You'll get hypothermia!"

"Come on Bella, it's just a bit chilly. The run made me hot." Jake gave me a wink. He tried to take my arm, as Clementine growled louder and deeper. "Emmett doesn't walk with you anymore and I want to keep you safe!"

I rolled my eyes. "Six months too late, Jacob! Emmett hasn't walked with me since our relationship ended. I can handle things just fine."

Jacob gripped my elbow. "Give this a chance, Bella."

The growling got more intense and Clementine was ready to pounce. I struggled to keep her from biting Jacob and attempted to get away from Jacob myself. It was an awkward, juggling act. "I know how to walk, Jacob!"

"I mean us," he pleaded. "We start with a walk, then maybe dinner."

"No!" I yelled and it echoed through the trees. "Get off of me!"

That's when I heard someone running towards us. I turned to see Edward coming towards us. He looked so casual with the hooded sweatshirt he wore and a black beanie on his head. He looked like a college student and not the uptight, loafer wearing complainer I was used to.

"You should get off her!" Edward's eyes narrowed like a snake ready to strike. His hands were balled into fists. "Now!"

Jake looked him up and down then laughed. "Who the hell are you?"

"Bella's friend and walking partner," Edward stated. "Sorry I was late, Bella. I was up late reading that story you suggested."

"No problem." I gave him a smile. I had a beanie wearing savior.

Jake let go of me and folded his arms over his chest. "I've never seen you before. Bella and I have been friends forever and she's never mentioned you on Facebook."

"I'm not on Facebook, dumb ass." I was really close to let Clementine eat Jacob, but she had lost interest in him. Instead, she jumped on Edward and proceeded to lick his face.

"Clementine! Down!" I commanded, as I tried to peel her off my employee.

Edward just knelt down and rubbed her fur with a joyous smile. "Hey puppy! What a good girl!"

I watched in amazement. Clementine had a hard time warming up to others. I was the exception to her picky disposition. I was with Emmett for a long time and it still took months for my dog to like him. Watching Clementine embrace Edward with such positive attention was amazing. His smile in return was brighter than the rising sun.

Jacob was pissed. "Bella—"

"You should really get back to your run. Thanks for stopping, but Edward is a perfectly capable walking companion." I gave Jacob a wave.

"I'll wear you down yet!" Jacob's mood turned happier like a light switch being flipped on. I had to wonder if he was bipolar. He ran off and whistled as headed into the woods.

Edward kept petting an overjoyed Clementine. "Who was that?"

"A constant bother," I explained. "He's harmless, but crazy and annoying."

"I didn't like the way he was touching you," Edward stated. "Let me know if he bothers you again. I should—"

I didn't want him to leave. "You walk here often?"

"I just started. It helps me think."

"Me too!" I saw him absentmindedly rubbing Clemmie's ears. "You have a dog?"

Edward's expression was forlorn. He admitted, "No. I was never allowed."

This was shameful. It was plain to me that this man just fit with a canine companion.

"Would you like to walk with us? Clementine seems to really like you." I wanted to know more about this secretive man.

His face relaxed slightly. Clementine licked his palms and I knew he was close to accepting. A part of me liked the idea of being close to him in this lovely location and listening to his melodic voice.

Edward looked me in the eyes and I saw fireworks. I think he saw them too.

It lasted less than a minute. His face tightened back into a scowl and his back stiffened. Edward backed away from us. Clementine whimpered. I wanted to as well.

"I need to go. I'll see you at work." He was a stone wall again.

I watched as he turned away and almost ran down the path. Clementine tried to follow, but I held her back.

The mystery of Edward Cullen grew deeper and I wanted the answers even more desperately.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Thank you for reading.**

Chapter 3

_Deep Dog Walking Thoughts_

_Edward Cullen ignoring me isn't much different than Edward Cullen paying attention. _

_He stares at me as he dusts. He mumbles when I ask him to do things around store. He places a coffee for me on the front counter by the cash register every morning. The only difference I can tell is he never attempts to start a conversation. _

_That boy is an odd duck._

_It also occurs to me that I think way too much about him during my walks, but then again Edward is following me. At the moment, he's hiding behind a tree. _

_Like I said before, he's an odd duck. A very handsome, odd duck._

"He's got family in town, yo," Alice stated, as she watched Edward sweep the floor. We were sitting on the floor and she was helping me sort a new shipment of books. "Your boyfriend is the son of the new doc in town."

I threw a paperback at her head. It was a seedy romance, so it now had some purpose in my life.

"I don't have a boyfriend. I have a dog. That's enough for me. No talk of me with boys!"

"Fine. J. Crew is the doctor's son. Daddy Dearest works at the hospital. I saw him when I had to take my grandmother in to get checked out. She had another one of her mystery migraines," Alice explained with a shrug. "I could see a slight resemblance between the dad and J. Crew."

Edward was now known as . The girls named him this after a night out with too many margaritas. His outfits were a constant source of amusement to Alice mostly. She got a kick out of him having to clean toilets wearing expensive loafers.

"Edward is Dr. Douche's son?" I blurted out. I threw my hand over my mouth. That was my father's nickname for the new doctor. They already had some terse words between seemed the doctor was a stickler for hospital policy and my father was more concerned with helping out your neighbors.

One mystery about Edward was solved,

Alice fell back on the floor laughing. Edward glanced at us with serious expression that was even more confused than usual.

"Shut up!" I hissed.

She threw her hand over her mouth and whispered, "Was the disagreement about Mrs. Harris?"

In a town this small, everything was everyone else's business.

Mrs. Harris had lived here since she was born. She was in her eighties now and still was one of the spryest people in town. Her garden still provided the Farmer's Market with her homemade jams. After snowstorms, she shoveled her own driveway. When her younger friends were ailing, Mrs. Harris would care for them. The woman truly represented the best the town had to offer.

She had hurt her foot last week. It was a small sprain, but Dr. Cullen wanted her admitted until he could talk her into going into a nursing home that was located thirty minutes away. My father had to convince him to let her go home where she had always lived and desired to live out the rest of her days. It was a contentious conversation to say the least.

"Dad didn't like the way he was talking down to her. She's a matriarch of the town," I stated. "I have a feeling that Dad and the doctor are going to butt heads quite a bit."

Edward had stopped sweeping and was staring at a book in his hands. A small frown was on his face as he looked down at the book's cover. It was a copy of _Corduroy_. Did this handsome man feel alone like that bear in the store with his button missing? Did he wish to find someone to love him? Was that book important to someone close to him? I had so many question and no answers to the many riddles the man presented to me.

"Stop staring at your boyfriend," Alice said with a grin. She ignored my glare. "Are you going tonight?"

"Going to the chowder dinner at the Meeting Hall? Maybe." I saw Edward trying to act like he wasn't listening to our conversation."I might just watch some TV and eat Chinese food. The usual Friday night activities."

Alice looked at me and then over to Edward. She muttered, "You two are so pathetic."

"What?"

"Hey Edward Cullen, you have plans tonight?" Alice yelled at him.

His eyes widened like a deer caught in headlights. "Umm—"

She stood up and wiped off her jeans. "Don't look scared. I'm not asking you on a date for fuck's sake. I already have an old ball and chain. There's this thing tonight. Damn it, Bella! You tell him."

She was forcing me to ask him to the Community Harvest Dinner after things were already stressful between us. It was going to be terrible.

"The ladies society puts on a fall harvest dinner with clam chowder and other umm. . . There's food and. . . You can bring your own booze. We. . . You're see—" I stammered.

"Listen Cullen, Bella no longer understands how to make a sentence. A group of us go together and, since you're new, would you like to come with us?"

Edward didn't even look in Alice's direction. He stared at me. "No."

I felt gutted. I don't know why it was so strong, but he just wounded me to the core.

Edward headed towards the kitchen and I looked down at the grains of the wood on the floor. Tracing them with my fingers, I felt a wave of embarrassment. He didn't want to be around me.

"I'm so sorry, Bell. I shouldn't have pushed," Alice put her hand on my shoulder.

I looked up and shrugged. Buried my hurt feelings deep down. The stars in my eyes about Edward Cullen faded a bit this day. "I'll bring the wine tonight. A lot of it."

XXXXXX

The public hall from first glance resembled the Congregational Church in town. They were both historical buildings with white clapboards and had loud bells that rang at lunchtime. They looked so much alike that tourists often got them confused.

There was a chill in the air, as our group entered the building. The sun was lowering into the horizon and the sky had a pink tint. It felt like November had truly arrived.

"Boys! Stop it right now!" Kate yelled at her group of ruffians. The three little boys started chasing their friends around the table with loaves of bread they snagged out of a basket. The little pirates and their swords were pillaging the festivities. "I will take away dessert! Garrett, do something!"

"Let them have their fun, babe." Garrett brushed his dark hair from his eyes with a chuckle and opened a beer that Jasper handed him. The men were as different as night and day, but they were the best of friends.

Jasper wrapped an arm around Alice. "I can't wait until we get a whole gang of lil' ones, sugar."

Alice looked like she wanted to vomit. She grabbed the bottle of wine out of my hands and started chugging right out of the bottle.

The room was large, but it was getting packed. Events like this one were always big draws and this one was no exception. The ages ranged from the ancient to tiny infants who rushed to the long tables that were covered with arrangements of pumpkins and silk flowers that were created by the town's garden club. Everyone wanted the best seats to catch up on the gossip in the town.

"Shouldn't these be real flowers?" Alice picked up a slightly dusty bloom.

"Their arthritis is probably acting up. They probably just used arrangements that they had lying around the house." I sneezed as some dust flew up my nose. The youngest member of the garden club was in her mid-sixties. They just usually sat around, drank tea and reminisced about that handsome Frank Sinatra. Gardening was the last thing on their agenda. "I wish they wiped them off first."

Jane rushed over and grabbed a seat across from me. Excitedly she cried, "He's here!"

I whipped my head around. "Edward?"

"Oh no! He's frightening, Bella! How can you work with someone who glares all the time?" She asked. Jane was scared of Edward. She truly was afraid he was going to snap at her for putting a book back on the wrong shelf. "Alec White! He owns the organic farm that I get produce from. He's willing to help us!"

I saw her looking at him. Alec White had a baby face and hair the color of fluffy chick feathers. The blush on her face was telling. She liked him for more than his organic tomatoes. His blush to Jane in return made me smile.

"He wants to help us how?"

"Oh Bella, he knows other farmers that can provide us fresh meat and cheeses. There's a baker over in Somerset that makes amazing focaccia!" She clapped her hands in excitement. "This could actually work!"

"Shh! Not so loud! We can't let Mike or Emmett hear our plan!" I reprimanded her. I could see them speaking near the large urns of chowder. Mike looked towards me with a glare. He still wanted my store.

We had a plan coming together to save both our businesses. This town made its money on the tourists that came here during all months of the year. They moseyed down the cobblestone streets lined with spring flowers. On summer days, they could lounge on the sands of the nearby beaches. In the winter, they came to ski on the fresh snow. They gawked at autumn leaves during walks in the woods. Those tourists would be hungry after all of those jaunts. A bookstore and fine restaurant combination would reel them in and we would reap the benefits.

"What can't I hear?" Emmett tried to sit in an empty seat next to me. I knew he would try to ruin our plans. He made a pretty penny off the tourists and I knew he didn't like to share. "Is this seat taken, honey?"

"You can't hear how much I detest you," I stated. I saw Rosalie Hale come in. She was in all her glory wearing a ruby colored dress holding the arms of a stranger. The man was quite older than the buxom blonde. He had a sharp nose like a beak, beady eyes and hair the color of snow. "Your lady is over there. You should probably go save her from the old-timer."

I saw the angry looks that my friends were giving my ex. I saw Garrett push Jasper in the shoulder and nodding towards Emmett. Those two were itching for a fight with him. I had visions of overturned tables and hot chowder flying in the air, hitting all the poor people who just wanted a nice community meal.

Emmett just ignored them and fixated on Rosalie and her elderly beau. I couldn't help noticing the angry glint in his eye as he looked towards them. He quickly changed his expression to a happier one. "I made a mistake, babe. It's always been you."

Emmett began to pull out the chair.

"Excuse me; I think you're taking my seat." It was Edward. "Miss Swan is my date this evening."

It was Edward looking dashing in a sage sweater and jeans. I was shocked to see him look so casual.

Emmett looked angry. It made me smile. "Bella, you can't—"

I stood and grinned at Edward. "Hi ya, date."

Barely glancing at Emmett, Edward took my hand and placed a kiss on the palm. "You look lovely tonight, Bella."

I wanted to faint and Alice dropped her paper cup of wine onto her lap. She squealed, "Damn it!"

"Aunt Alice has a potty mouth!" Jimmy, Kate's youngest, yelled. The sound echoed through the room.

"Bella, I really need to talk to you. There are things happening and—" Emmett tried to take my arm and I moved closer to Edward. We were almost hugging.

"Bye, Emmett," I said not looking at my ex-boyfriend.

"I'll come by the shop tomorrow," Emmett declared not taking the hint. Thankfully, He stomped away.

I pulled Edward down next to me. "What are you doing?"

"It looks like I saved you again, Miss Swan." He took my hand. Edward's face was still somber, but I imagined a bit softened around the edges. "This is for appearance's sake, of course. You seem to have gathered yourself quite the assortment of unsavory suitors."

"You sound like a character out of _Masterpiece Theater_," I teased.

He gave me one of his stern looks. "Must you always joke?"

"No," I said, but I nodded yes.

The rest of the table just gawked at us like we were caged monkeys at the zoo. Jasper looked at our joined hands and was about to make a comment. Before I could be embarrassed thoroughly, I decided to make uncomfortable introductions to add to the uncomfortable moment, "Edward, you know the girls."

He gave them a small wave. "Hey."

"The manly men at the table are Jasper and Garrett. The monkeys are Katie and Garrett's kids. Jimmy is the smallest. Sam is the biggest. Jack is the one glaring at you between sips from his juice box." Jack, my tiny admirer, wasn't the only one glaring. Both Jasper and Garrett were both giving Edward skeptical, bordering on hostile, looks. They were my protectors after Emmett broke my heart and their statuses as my unofficial big brothers were still intact.

The guys grunted their greetings. It would take a lot of time for them to warm up to each other or a lot of beer. I would place my money on the beer.

I glanced over to see my father all decked out in his police uniform with his mustache neatly combed entering the event. It was time for him to shine. He was more popular than the mayor and basked in the fact. He came in at the same time as a debonair couple. My father's eyes narrowed. The handsome man with the light blond hair narrowed his eyes as well. It was a standoff next to the dessert table.

I immediately noticed a resemblance between the man and Edward. They had had a similar profile. It was Dr. Douche standing out from the rest of the attendees in his business suit. The woman that Edward had gotten his penny hair and green eyes smiled benignly at the tension in front of her. I wondered if she was heavily medicate with Xanax samples the doctor possibly spiked her coffee with.

"Your parents are here," I stated. He immediately dropped my hand and I mourned the loss.

"Pretend we don't know each other! Damn it! They shouldn't be here!" He whispered and angled away from me. Edward's mask was firmly back in place. "It's easier to pretend you don't know me. My parents wouldn't know how to deal with someone like you."

His nose was in the air and any glimmer of something sweet and generous had disappeared. I was feeling very hot and I found his ability to switch from kindness to barely contained contempt to be suffocating.

"There is something very wrong with you, Mr. Cullen," I hissed at the back of his head. I turned to Jane. "I'm going to get some air, Janie. It's way too hot in here."

I grabbed an open bottle of wine and headed towards the door. I felt eyes on me and didn't look to see if they belonged to Edward or Emmett. My father called out, "Kiddo? You're leaving so soon?"

"I'm just getting some air, Dad." I kept walking.

"Why bring the wine? Is that ass here?" My father asked with concern in his voice.

My father had loved Emmett as the son he had always wished he had. The men would watch sports and eat pizza together every weekend. They played on the same baseball team together. When Emmett and I broke up, he also broke up with Dad. My father's heart was broken too.

"Dad, I'm good." I needed cool air quickly.

I headed out to the parking lot that was surrounded by trees. I walked over a large oak. Its fallen leaves covered the ground like a blanket leaving its limbs bare like a skeleton.

I leaned on the trunk and watched as Jacob and a bunch of his wild friends go into the hall. Their voices echoed in the air and ruined the quiet.

I took a swig out of the bottle. The red liquid coating my throat, as I thought about the enigma that is Edward Cullen. The attraction made no sense. We had never had a meaningful conversation. The man was attractive, but I had always thought I was the type of person who wanted more than just good looks.

I looked into the sky at the twinkling stars. This is the type of place that you felt like you could reach right up and touch those little sparklers. So I placed my wine on the ground and reached up to grasp the air. Those stars were always so far out of reach. I was never quite enough to hold their glow in my greedy fingers and let myself bask in their light.

"Why are you stretching like that?" Edward walked towards me with his hands shoved deep down in his pockets.

I lowered my hands slowly. "Trying to catch a star."

"They seem to be tricky to catch," he pointed out. He moved close to me.

"Impossible," I admitted. I was thinking he was quite a bit like one of those stars.

Our chests were almost touching now.

"It's cold out here." Edward placed his hands on my arms and rubbed them. "You need to go inside."

"I have wine to warm up my bones." I looked into the way he was staring at me. I was confused. So very confused. "I thought you were pretending I didn't exist."

"Impossible," he stated. "I tried, but you won't get out of my head. I need to stay away though. I'm a horrible person, Miss Swan."

"Most of us are, Mr. Cullen." His chest was against mine now. I could feel the beat of his heart rapidly thumping. "What's happening here?"

Edward Cullen kissed me. He tasted like peppermint and I wanted more.

Of course, he pulled away with a look of frustration. His hands gripped his hair. "I can't do this!"

"If you keep doing that, you'll go bald," I said weakly. I felt like a piece of shit. The type of dog shit that one steps in and curses for the rest of the day. I was the dog shit at the bottom of Edward Cullen's shoe. I wanted to cry or drink heavily. I was leaning towards a combination of the two. "Sorry."

"No! Bella, I'm drawn to you, but I'm bad person!" He took my hand for a second and squeezed it. His face was flashing a million different emotions. "Listen, I'll introduce you as my friend. I'm going to head back in and get you some bread."

I watched as he jogged back into the building. He was the most frustrating man on the planet.

My fingers brushed my lips. I could still feel his peppermint kisses and I hated that I craved more.


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Hi.**

Chapter 4

_Deep Dog Walking Thoughts:_

_Parents can explain a lot. _

_My father is a quiet man that might seem cold, but now I know he is anything but. They stay still waters run deep and that is a perfect description of Charles Swan. He watches over the citizens of our town like they're an extended part of our family and goes above and beyond to bring them comfort in times of need. _

_My mother is a shadow that always follows me around. I'm always looking over my shoulder worrying that she'll swoop in and carry me away. It's irrational. She's dead, but her spirit remains like a malevolent specter. I'm an adult now and afraid of a ghost. She'll never steal me away from my father again, but the fear is still there. It's like a dead weight that is always suffocating me. _

_I find that both nature and nurture creates all the nuances that make me who I am at this moment. It's frightening._

_Now that I've met Edward's parents, more pieces to his puzzle are coming together._

_Right now, he shuffling and muttering to himself. Clementine keeps licking his hand and as we head down the path. _

_I wonder if I can be the comfort that he truly needs. At least I can try._

"Edward, who is this lovely girl your with?" Edward's mom had a smile that appeared genuine, but it might be heavy doses of medication. Her eyes were unfocused and flitting all over the room.

"Mother, this is Bella Swan." I felt his hand on my elbow. He looked down at it and a small smile came on his lips. "She's my friend. Bella, this is Esme."

His mother gave a small clap. "How wonderful, I—"

She was quickly interrupted by his father. "Edward, do you think it's wise to be taking up with someone new? You're here to heal and obviously this woman—"

"You got a problem with my daughter, Carlisle?" My father said in the slow way that made such an impact on the random criminals that he would have to arrest on occasion. He had moseyed up to us with a bowl of soup in his hands. He took a careful sip of the hot liquid and gave Edward's mother a wink.

It would have been far more suave if the creamy chowder wasn't coating his mustache.

Every head in that room turned to stare at my father. This crowd loved a battle and Chief Charlie was their warrior of choice. Old ladies fanned themselves with tissues, while the farmers started placing bets on how fast the new doc would end up face down on the floor. This was considered high entertainment now that the closest movie theater was thirty minutes away.

Old Cora Grant was licking her lips at my father's chowder mustache. I might have thrown up in my mouth a little at that.

"Dad, you have a little something on your 'stache," I helpfully pointed out.

"Shit," my dad muttered, as he fumbled with his bowl and a napkin.

Dr. Cullen watched Dad in disgust. "I have no issues with your daughter, but my family moved to this town for a reason. Edward needs a quiet place to reflect and he—"

The rest of the room was so silent you could hear a pin drop. They were a meddlesome bunch and I felt protective of Edward. I wanted to strangle him, but I wanted to protect him from these gossips first. I turned to the crowd. "Go back to your own business! Dr. Cullen, your son works for me. He is an exemplary employee. You should be very proud."

I doubted he would. Dr. Cullen would not even have a little bit of pride in his son's skills at dusting and using the alphabet to shelve books.

The doctor's face turned many shades of red. "Edward, you are supposed to be seeing Dr. Jenks at the hospital! Playing around at this young lady's store is a waste of your valuable time. You were a talented—"

"Dad!" Edward exclaimed. His eyes were full of pain.

I took Edward's hand. "As I said before Dr. Cullen, your son is a valued employee. He has a job at my store if he wants it."

Edward's mother just twisted her hands and murmured, "Oh my!"

"You don't have the skills to be able to handle Edward's issues, Miss Swan." The doctor glared at me, so I returned the favor.

"It's almost Dr. Swan, Dr. Cullen," I explained with a smirk. "I'm almost finished with my dissertation to get my doctorate in psychology. Feel free to start calling me doctor now. We're like colleagues already."

Dad chuckled. "That's my girl!"

The doctor's mouth dropped open. Edward dropped my hand.

Dr. Cullen looked at me in confusion. "The store?"

"The store is what I love. Books to me are the purest form of therapy." I gave him a dirty look. "Maybe you should come in sometime. You look like you need some nice autobiographies on infamous dictators. Maybe you'll see a resemblance."

Edward looked at me like I betrayed him. "You're a psychologist? Was this all an attempt to fix me? Are you working with Jenks? Is this an elaborate set-up?"

All of a sudden, I was tired of this man's hot and cold attitude. His conspiracy theories and mysteries weren't worth the effort to deal with.

"No. I'm a store owner and not part of a plan to fix the broken Edward Cullen. I've wanted to be a million of different things and I decided my heart is in that house filled with books. I will be going now, because frankly I've lost my appetite. Don't bother coming in tomorrow, Edward." I went over to Alice and whispered, "I'm getting out of this place. I'll call you tomorrow."

"The girls and I will be over with sugary comfort food when you open," Alice promised. She gave my hand a squeeze before I walked away from the table.

Emmett started to walk towards me, until I gave him the finger. Sometimes the best illustration of one's feelings doesn't need words at all.

I trudged out to my truck and heard Edward yell behind me, "I need to talk to you!"

"I don't want to talk to you," I stated as I continued to walk. I slowly turned as I opened the heavy door. "I'm seriously considering firing you, Cullen. You and all your crazy isn't worth it."

He took my elbow. "I shouldn't have accused you, but why didn't you tell me about your degree?"

"We don't talk, Edward. There are these weird, little snippets of conversations that lead us to nowhere. I don't know you and you don't know me." I leaned up against my truck. "I hated the idea of being a psychologist. I did it to deal with a bunch of mommy issues that continue to plague me. I bet you have plenty of issues with your parents as well. It doesn't matter, because you and I are through."

I slid into my truck, as he held tightly onto the door. He said desperately, "I want to know you! For the first time, in a long time, I want to connect with someone! I didn't want my parents to scare you off!"

"They didn't scare me. You did," I admitted. He let go of the door looking like I kicked him. I slammed the door shut.

In the rearview mirror, I watched him stare at me as I drove away, until he disappeared altogether. I hated that we were ending, before there was a chance to begin.

XXXXXX

I woke up a cranky mess. I stood at the coffee pot and glared at the dark brown liquid pouring out of it. My hair was a bird's nest and I had dark bags under my eyes. If a small child saw me, they would run away screaming from the zombie woman.

The dreams I had last night were the problem. The one that stayed with me had Edward writing on my naked body and I was his human journal. All the words were gibberish and the smell of peppermint was all around us. I found the odor both stimulating and nauseating. His parents watched the whole time and were critiquing his penmanship. It was disturbing.

Clementine whined at me for her walk. I patted her head distractedly. "Momma needs her coffee first."

One sip and it was apparent that it wasn't worth the wait. I spit the offending liquid into the sink and rubbed my eyes.

The doorbell rang and I trudged to the door. If it was this early, I could imagine my father behind it with his worried eyes. He began hovering more after Harrison's death and Matilda's move to the nursing home. He had pushed his fear and guilt over my mother's actions into an emotional box and let them care for me. I think he saw her in me. Instead of dealing with my issues, he mourned the woman he used to love. It didn't hit him how much I needed him until Harrison's funeral. There was a change in our relationship that day and we were both the better for it.

"Hey Dad—" It wasn't my father when I opened the door.

Edward stood in front of me in his Yale sweatshirt and running pants. One hand held a cardboard beverage holder that held two large coffees. The other hand held a bouquet of yellow roses. "Hi."

"What are you playing at?" I asked.

"You're wearing Hello Kitty," he pointed out the obvious with a tiny smile.

I pulled my ugly Hello Kitty robe tightly around my body, as I tried to hold Clementine back from jumping on him. She was a quivering, slobbery and happy mess. "My attire isn't the answer to the question. Why are you here?"

"Please don't give up on me," he pleaded. "I'm scared to feel happy and you're making me feel it. I want to push you away, but it hurts me that I'm making you upset."

I hated the way the sadness in his eyes made me melt. This guy was going to be my ruin.

"If it hurts you, I bet you can guess how I feel," I grumbled. I pulled Clementine back. "Come on in."

He held up the flowers. "These are for you. They are an apology of sorts."

"It's not enough. Flowers aren't a cure all."

He followed me into my kitchen. The sun came beaming into the windows and making the yellow walls even brighter. The kitchen felt so warm and was a lovely contrast to the chilly outdoors.

"I know," he admitted, as he sat at the kitchen table. He played with the placemats, as I stuck the flowers in a vase. "Those are just a start."

"Uh huh." I grabbed one of the coffees and leaned against the counter. I watched as Clementine buried her head into his lap. "My dog has a crush on you."

What sucked was so did I.

"Yeah, I can see that. I think it's mutual," Edward agreed, as he rubbed her ears. "I want to tell you everything, but I'm afraid I'll crumble if I do."

"No need to rush it. Sometimes it's easier to tell a little at a time." I ran my finger around the smooth edge of the paper cup. "That's not some psychology classes talking, but Bella Swan philosophy 101. We all have trials, Edward."

"I'm on medication, Bella," he admitted. He just stared at Clementine's golden head.

"I figured. Look at me, Cullen." I stared at him as looked up at me. His eyes were teary and my heart was breaking for him. "You are going to start walking with me. You've been following us for a while now so you know the routine."

"You knew?"

I couldn't contain my eye roll. "James Bond you are not, sir."

"Oh." He continued to pet my dog and it seemed to calm him. "I think I would like that. It would be nice to walk with you. We could—"

"Talk. It doesn't have to be your past, but we can talk about anything. What your favorite movie is for instance." I really wanted to know everything and had plenty of time to find out.

"Caddy Shack," he blurted out.

"You're a Bill Murray fan? I find this very surprising."

"I'm full of surprises," he said with a blush. It was beautiful like he is.

I started to head out of the kitchen. "I'm going to get changed. Hello Kitty isn't appropriate for tromping in the woods."

"Bella?"

"Yeah?" I turned towards him. His face was somber again.

"The kiss last night was—"

I wanted to crawl under a rock, but instead I attempted to save face. "It's water under the bridge. It wasn't a big deal."

He shook his head at my words. "It was really nice. Thank you."

"You taste like peppermints!" I exclaimed in my shock.

He was blushing again. "That's good, right?"

"Yes," I was blushing too.

"Cool." His smile was blinding.

"Okay then. I'm going to get dressed!"

I stumbled out of the room and into my bedroom. Collapsing on my bed, I stared at the ceiling.

That man was going to be the death of me and I think I liked it.


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: Thank you for reading.**

Chapter 5

Deep Dog Walking Thoughts

_Edward is keeping up with me and my pace is brisk. He's a shuffler, so I think he was getting winded._

_The great thing about Edward as a walking partner is that he's silent and let's me think. The plans Jane had could be the only thing to save both of our businesses. I kept walking and worrying._

_I felt his hand in mine. He gave it a squeeze._

_Edward whispered, "You're hands are like ice."_

_I liked his hand connected to mine. I felt comfortable and relaxed for the first time in awhile._

_That was until Clementine started pulling the both of us so she could catch a passing bicyclist. She liked to try and eat them._

"I'm having a birthday party for Clementine," I explained. "If Emmett shows up, I cannot promise my actions will be ladylike. You should come."

Edward and I were sitting next to each other on a love seat. I was going through magazines to gather ideas for Jane. He had brought coffee over and decided to sit by me. He had been doing this quite often. There wasn't a lot of discussion, but I had patience.

"A party for your dog?" Edward asked the question and it was accompanied by one of his rare smiles. "That's an unusual idea."

I angled my body towards his. Our knees were touching. "We came up with it last year as a fun drinking night to relax before all the stress of Thanksgiving and Christmas. Please come!"

"I don't know. I'm not a big drinker." He wouldn't look at me.

"I'm making lasagna! It really is the best in town."

He looked back at me and grinned. It was like the sun peeking from around the clouds. "I do like lasagna."

"Mine's the best." My grin mirrored his.

"I guess if it's the best, I should come." He looked at his hands. "Can I bring wine or bread?"

"Both!" I had to feed both Garrett and Jasper. Those men could eat.

"Okay." Edward blushed slightly and took a magazine off of my lap. I momentarily imagined his fingers staying on my lap and slowly starting to rub my through my corduroy skirt. Heat rushed through me and I tried to calm myself, as Edward flipped through the magazine. He said quietly, "You need to set up the room like this. The kitchen is already pretty big, but Jane will need more storage." His long fingers traced the page.

"Really? We can't afford all that, Edward," I explained. It would make the house beautiful. "I'm thinking about moving upstairs with Clementine. I can't even afford two houses right now."

"You would sell your house?" He looked at me in wonder.

I shrugged. "I always wanted to live here. It was like my second home when I was young. Plus my house is basically a hovel. You'll see when you come over. Whatever I get for it, won't cover the changes we need."

"I'll help. I have resources." He looked sheepish.

"I can't ask you to do that, Edward. I'll figure it out. The Clearwater's are contractors. A little expensive, but maybe they have a payment plan," I pondered aloud and twisted my fingers.

He stopped their movement. "Bella, I can do this for you. I know how."

I gazed into his earnest eyes. He made my heart beat quicker. I could feel it thumping so quickly. "Who are you?"

"I would say that I'm your guardian angel, but I already warned you that I'm a bad person," Edward stated. He rested my hands in his lap and the warmth flooded me again.

Bullshit. That man was an angel.

"My guardian devil, then?" I stroked his fingers. "They're a hell of a lot more fun."

Another blinding smile. "I like you, Bella Swan."

"I like you, Edward Cullen."

I liked my guardian devil a lot.

XXXXXX

My guests were dropping out at a rapid pace.

There was stomach flu being passed around the town that was leaving a trail of victims in it's wake. I had overheard a group of mother's complaining about it in the bookstore. The children were spreading it around like wildfire and leaving zombie looking adults traveling around looking for supplies like carbonated beverages, saltines and medicine. It was like a war zone out there.

I already knew that Jane and Alice were out. They called and the sounds that came out of them was frightening. It was disappointing, but there was no way I wanted their germs near my house.

At least I had Kate and Garrett as a buffer. My feelings for Edward were getting intense, but the only way to handle my attraction was to go slow. I need to go a turtle's speed. It was safer to figure him out first.

I was pulling out the lasagne, when the phone rang. I knew it was going to be horrible news.

"Hello?"

"Bella, it's everywhere!" Kate yelled. I had to pull my ear away from the phone.

I just knew what she was referring to. "I don't want to know."

"All four of them have it coming out of both ends!" She squealed. I didn't need to know that. "Garrett is the worst! He's acting like a baby. I guess vomiting when drunk is fine, but when it's a flu bug you have to whine worse than a toddler!"

I looked at my lasagne and her words made it look far less appetizing. "Listen Katie—"

"What if I get it? I can't get sick! I'm the mommy!" Kate was losing it. "Shoot! Jimmy threw up on my rug! The good one!"

The doorbell rang and I said quickly, "That must be Edward. I've got to go."

I hung up the phone and straightened out my dress. I had decided to dress up for him. This was probably a bad idea.

Opening the door slowly, Edward smiled at me. In his arms, he held a bottle on wine, a baguette and a bouquet of daisies. His outfit was another casual sweater and jeans that made him look carefree and young. "Hey."

"Hi," I squeaked. "Let me take some of those."

He followed me in and looked around. "I like your place."

Edward Cullen was a liar. The house was slightly bigger than a shack and furnished with odds and ends I gathered from tag sales, the Salvation Army and a couch that was left on the street. I had covered it with a blanket so it wasn't completely disgusting.

"It's a work in progress. It will be much more homey when it gets demolished," I joked.

He stood next to me while I opened the wine. Edward inquired with a nervous smile, "Am I the first one here?"

I all of a sudden felt a wave of nerves. What if he thought I set this up?"

"You're the only one coming. Everyone else is sick! The flu!" I looked at him worriedly and added quickly, "This wasn't some secret way to get you here alone!"

"I know! My father has it!" Edward exclaimed trying to calm me down. Then he added with a wicked gleam in his eyes. "You know what they say about doctors?"

"They make the worst patients?"

"That would be an understatement," Edward gave a laugh. He seemed so happy. I started pouring a glass of wine and was surprised when Edward took it from me. "When in Rome."

I poured myself a glass headed back into the kitchen and he followed. Liquid courage this night was a must. Grabbing a head of lettuce I glanced over to him when I started to wash it. "We can do this another night if it would be more comfortable for you."

My attention went back to the water when I felt his arms went go around me. My breath hitched a bit and I felt caged. He plucked the head of lettuce out of my hands and walked to the cutting board. "I'm more than comfortable cutting vegetables."

The knife started chopping with quick and precise motions. Edward whistled quietly. I couldn't help staring at him, as I asked in surprise, "What has gotten into you? I like it, but this is different."

He stilled the knife and slowly turned around. The look on his face was contemplative. "I haven't been happy in a long time, Bella. I just thought that at least for tonight I could breathe for a little bit and relax."

I held up my glass. "Here's to a night of relaxation."

"Sounds like a perfect night to me," he agreed.

Perfect lasted all of two hours. It truly was at first, because Edward Cullen had a charming side. He complimented the food and talked about his favorite movies. Every single title was a comedy. If I was a betting woman, I would place my odds on it being his one escape from the demons that plagued him.

I wouldn't allow those demons to come up and ruin his night, so I just watched him drink and wax poetic about Monty Python. I laughed at his impressions of Napoleon Dynamite and continued to refill his plate.

"You should check out old Abbott and Costello's with me sometime. There was this vintage theater that used to play old movies every Saturday, so I would go with—" Edward just stopped and looked down on his plate, shook his head a few times with eyes shut tight and looked up at me with a forced smile. "It was fun."

This man was a bundle of secrets. He kept them locked up tight and I would need a sledge hammer to break through his walls.

Instead of inquiring further, I simply remarked, "It sounds like fun."

He started playing with the remaining food on his plate. The fork slid through the remnants of lasagne, as Edward created swirling designs. "It was."  
I watched as his face went pale. He continued to speak in a monotone voice, "The Marx Brothers are also—"

Edward covered his mouth with his hand.

"Are you okay?" Which at the moment was the dumbest thing I could have said.

He shook his head no and I stumbled up to help him up. "Let's get you to the bathroom."

We had barely made it to the door when Edward swallowed loudly and began to say, "I think I'm o—"

The color in his skin turned an ugly shade and Edward Cullen proceeded to throw up all over my dress.

It smelled disgusting, but I ignored the horrible odor filling my nostrils and helped Edward to the toilet as he proceeded to violently vomit. I sat next to him and pressed a damp, cool washcloth on his warm forehead and neck.

At one point, he looked up with watery eyes. "I need to go home."

"No, Edward. Let me care for you." I pressed the cloth on his head.

"She used to care for me. I never thought I would find that again," he said wearily, before another round of sickness overtook him.

All I could do was try to bring him comfort and sit and wonder.

XXXXXX

My back ached and the majority of my body hung off a couch when I was woken up by crying. The sky was still dark. Rubbing my eyes, I stumbled up and headed to my bedroom where Edward was sleeping. It wasn't how I had imagined getting him into my bed, but it was the most comfortable place for him to be.

Edward was tangled in the sheet that I placed over him. His bare chest glistened with sweat. I had to help him undress, which was also not how I imagined future naked interactions between us. That wasn't enough cool him down.

I rushed over and felt his head. Edward was burning up. "Sit up, we need to get some liquids into you!"

Moving him up slowly, I was surprised when Edward grabbed onto my sweatshirt. "Don't leave me again, Baby!"

I was confused by the desperation that he was displaying.

"Edward, I—"

His embrace tightened. "I love you, Heidi! Don't leave! I can't do this anymore!"

Delirium from fever came in the form of a woman named Heidi. He was in love and it wasn't with me.

"It's Bella. We need to get you—"

Long fingers grasped my head and pulled me closely to his face. "Baby, I didn't mean it! I love you! It was an accident! I didn't mean to kill you!"

I froze in his arms. Oh my God.


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: It's always darkest before the dawn and all that jazz. The dawn is going to take awhile, because there's a mystery afoot! Trust me.**

**Also, I wrote a story for the What's In Santa's Sack story compilation. They are all great and mine is the fifth one. You can find it under the author a What's In Santa's Sack on FF.**

**Thanks!**

Chapter 6

_Deep Dog Walking Thoughts_

_It had been quiet these last few days without Edward walking with me. Not that he said much, but I usually filled that void with my jibber jabber._

_He's still been ailing since his confession at my home. His father had retrieved him that morning giving me accusing eyes. That man knew the secrets that Edward held locked in his heart about Heidi and how she died. I seriously doubted he would confide in me. Dad was pretty right on about calling him, Dr. Douche._

_Today was Thanksgiving. I couldn't help giving a little prayer to all the deities I could think of hoping that Edward would have a truly good day._

_He might believe he was a killer, but I knew deep down that he was innocent of any crime. I only wished I knew what it was and how I could erase the guilt from his mind._

"Nancy Drew, spill whatever it is that is making you kill the mashed potatoes." My dad leaned against the kitchen counter watching me pulverize the potatoes. "They're supposed to be fluffy not liquid."

I looked up from my potato mess and grinned sheepishly. "I got a bit excited about my spuds."

"Kid, you have a problem you are trying to solve. I know when my child is trying to decipher clues," Dad stated as he moseyed over to the fridge for a beer. "Case of a disappearing book shipment or the lost coffee pot? You're coffee is rotten. I bet someone was just protecting the populace from your swill."

"Ha, Pop. I was thinking about Edward."

Dad tossed a beer at me sat down at the kitchen table and cracked open his. "Should have guessed your mind would be on your mystery man."

"He's a giant mystery. I don't know why I feel the need to figure him out. Help him," I explained.

"Estrogen."

"Dad!"

He chuckled and stroked his mustache. "Kid, you like saving people. Why should he be any different? Not to mention all the blushing you do around that boy."

"I do not!" My father was a delusional old fart. I don't blush.

"You are doing right now just thinking about him." My dad stretched his legs out. "That man has the weight of the world on his shoulders and needs some guidance that isn't Dr. Douche."

His fingers fiddled with the tab of the can making clicking noises. I took a big gulp of beer and watched for the Charles Swan tell-tale signs. There was the mustache twitch. The right leg shake. His eyes blinking for no reason. Dad was doing them all.

"What do you know?"

Dad looked at me in fake surprise. That man couldn't act his way out of a speeding ticket. Which was a good thing that he was the one who doled them out. "I have no clue what you're talking about."

"What do you know?"

"No need to repeat yourself!" My dad drank some more. "I looked into some things when I found out he was working for you."

I almost dropped my beer. "You ran a background check on him? Dad, not cool!"

"It's very cool, child of mine. I don't want some crazy psychopath working with my daughter. You are way too nice for your own good."

My father loved running background checks on every person he knew. It gave him an almost pathological joy to uncover secrets about his neighbors. He was like an old woman in a hair salon when it came to gossip and the fact that he had a computer database at his disposal to dig up more information made him feel like an FBI agent. There wasn't much crime around these parts except drunken mischief, so Dad had plenty of time on his hands.

"Dad—"

"The boy needs a friend, Bella. I don't know how much he's told you, but he's had some terrible luck losing his wife in that accident. I think he's going to be a challenge to get through to, but you're a tough kid. You need to get him to open up." My dad stood and gave me a brief, one armed hug. "I believe in you."

"Wow, you're getting to be clingy." I patted his arm. "Must be getting soft in your old age."

My dad rolled his eyes. "I'm gonna watch the game, smart ass."

"Can't you tell me anything about the accident?" I pleaded with my dad. I just needed a little hint.

My dad stopped and turned slowly. "Don't know much, Bells. It was a tragic accident in the woods. A clear cut animal attack. The poor girl was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Edward was inconsolable afterwards they saw. He's still grieving and you need to decide if you can handle that."

My dad headed to the TV and I shuffled over to the oven. I started pulling out the turkey and my thoughts drifted to Edward. He had been married and Heidi was his wife. The ghost of her hovered over him. I didn't know if I had it in me to combat that. That's when the doorbell rang.

I heard my dad groan loudly and push himself off of his chair. Clementine started barking and running. Her claws clicking on the wood floor. The door opened, as I fumbled with the bird. If it was Emmett I was going to attack him with the carving knife. My father was the law, so I had a witness that would cover for me. That's when I heard Edward's voice, "Happy Thanksgiving, Chief Swan."

I let out a a gasp and dropped the turkey pan. That sizzling bird skidded across the floor and I let out the scream. The men came running, but Clementine was faster than us all. That dog took that bird into her mouth and tore through the house. Pieces of turkey flew into the air.

"Catch her before she swallows a bone!" I screamed.

It was a mad dash to the dog and Edward was finally the victor. He caught Clementine by the torso and immediately my mutt dropped the carcass. She began to lick Edward's face with gusto. My dog liked Edward Cullen far more than turkey.

Edward was my hero.

"You saved her! Thank you!" I had to hold myself back from hugging him and instead pulled Clementine off his face. I must admit that I was jealous of her. That pup was getting more action than I was.

He looked up with that rare, but lovely grin. Standing up slowly, he said, "It was my pleasure."

"Glad to see you, son," My father said to Edward. "Not that it isn't great to see you, but what brings you here on a holiday?"

Sheepishly, Edward looked at the floor. "This is very presumptuous, but I was hoping to spend Thanksgiving with you both. My father and I got into a disagree—"

"Did he hurt you, boy?" My father's face turned fire engine red. "I would be as pleased as punch to arrest him. Would make my Thanksgiving perfect."

My dad really would love to arrest Carlisle. It would be a great Christmas present as well.

"No sir, it will be fine. It just seemed to me that it would be nicer to spend the holiday here." He smiled and reached over to give my hand a little squeeze.

I melted and all the questions I had about Edward's past melted away.

"Eat with us," I squeezed his hand back. "You would be a very welcome guest. Though you did get sick here last time."

His feverish words returned to my brain. Damn. An animal attack took her life. Was Edward too late to save her? Was there something else that happened to make him blame himself? Every question answered led to new mysteries. I was the worst, amateur detective ever. I really need to read more Agatha Christie novels.

"It was just the flu. I'll be safe." He made me swoon and I put my concerns aside once more.

Our eyes met with intensity, fingers still clutching. I murmured, "I guess I should feed you then."

"Get a room," my dad blurted out as he held up our massacred dinner. "I'm thinking this turkey is a no go."

Edward continued to smile. "I like the sides better anyway. I'm a mashed potato man."

"Me too. I mean I like mashed potatoes too," I agreed. I hope he liked his potatoes silky smooth.

We were both beaming.

"It's like watching a damn romantic comedy. I'm gonna stick buffalo wings in the toaster oven." My dad stomped towards the kitchen.

"I like Thanksgiving," he stated, staring at my nose. "I also like you freckles."

"I like you."

XXXXXX

Four hours later, my father was back home watching more football and Edward was stroking my cheek as we sat on my couch. Plates of pumpkin pie were untouched on the table in front of us, because our hands were too busy touching the other person.

"Dinner was fantastic, Bella." His hand traveled to my hair. Fingers twisting up in the tendrils.

I found myself unable to stop my hand from resting on his thigh. "There was a plethora of starches."

"There was," Edward agreed, as he inched closer. His thigh snug up against mine.

_It's a Wonderful Life_ played on the television. Christmas always felt like it was being rushed every year, but I didn't care. I would pay millions for a sprig of mistletoe right now.

I moved my hand higher up Edward's leg. I was a wanton woman. This was the best time to ask about his deceased bride, but I only wanted more of Edward. The empty bottle of cheap Pinot Noir was a bona fide esteem booster. "What is this, Edward?"

"A chance to have a moment of happiness again." Closer he came.

"Just a moment?"

"I don't even deserve that," he whispered as his lip hovered closely to mine.

I let our lips brush. "You deserve everything, Edward. Your demons are lying to you. You're a good man."

"This bad man wants to kiss you, Isabella." He gripped my waist.

"I want the good man to kiss me." My nose nuzzled his. "This bad you speak of isn't real."

He rubbed his cheek onto mine. "We are at an impasse then. You find good, where I see evil."

"Shut up and kiss me, Edward." Both of my hands gripped his face. I couldn't bear to hear him say more horrible things about himself.

Our lips met and created an inferno. Our bodies pressed more closely together and I didn't know where my skin ended and his began.

"I want you," I confessed.

Edward's hand went under my shirt and stroked my back. "I feel like you are the only one who can save me."

His mouth crashed back onto mine and our tongues tangled together. Edward lifted the bottom of my shirt and with a quick tug, he stripped me of it. He fumbled slightly with the clasp of the bra and it fell to the floor. He pulled back slightly stared at me with wide eyes. He quietly announced with his voice filled with wonder, "You're so beautiful."

I attacked that handsome man and nibbled his neck as I pulled his sweater off. The simple tee he wore underneath soon followed. My nails raked down his chest. Edward pushed me down on the couch, his mouth traveling down my body. I felt my body tremble as he sucked on my breast. I hissed, "Oh sweet man—"

We almost tumbled onto the floor. I couldn't help but laugh. "Want to take this to my bedroom?"

"Bella, we can stop this now," Edward stated with bright eyes. "I don't want to ruin us."

"It can only get better," I reassured him, though a part of me worried that the opposite would take effect.

We got up quickly and Edward clasped my hand as we stumbled to the bedroom with lips pressed together. This was terrible idea. We had discussed nothing, but I ached for him. He made my mind a jumble of disconnected thoughts.

I glanced over to Clementine who was lying comfortably on her bed and saw my dog's dark eyes staring at us. Judging eyes, which most likely was my guilty conscious talking

I ignored the dog and the doubts that plagued me, as the rest of our clothing was shed. Hands stroked, pulled and caressed as we fell onto the bed.

"I wish I could fall in love with you," he whispered into my hair.

"I wish you could too," I answered.

We had so much work to do, if this was to succeed. The possibility of an us to come to fruition needed more than a moment of lust, but the yearning I felt was intense. The ministrations of his hands played me like a conductor of an orchestra. He made my body erupt into a symphony.

"Can I?" He was poised to enter.

I placed my hand on his neck. "It's safe to enter the atmosphere, Captain."

Edward chuckled, his eyes full of unusual levity. "Always joking."

"Always." Always for you. Always to make you smile.

He entered me quickly and our bodies danced together. The only time his eyes left mine was to kiss me with a burst of emotion. He thrusted and I returned it right back to him. We fit so perfectly. It was kismet.

"Bella—" Edward looked so vulnerable.

"I know." He needed love. I kissed him hard.

When he finally came, Edward cried into my neck. I wanted to cry for him too.

Moments later, Edward fell into a fitful sleep. Tossing and turning, he took turns mumbling our names, "Bella. Heidi. Bella. Heidi—"

It was a song that broke my heart and lulled me to sleep.

The next morning, I was naked and alone as I woke up in the harsh light of the morning. A note was placed on the pillow that Edward had been previously resting his head on.

_I'm sorry,_ it read.

I slowly got up and wandered to find the coffee already brewed for me. He wished he could love me. It was never going to happen. My heart cracked a bit more.


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: It seems I've had a wicked case of writer's block. I hope you like this and if you celebrate Christmas have a wonderful holiday. If not, I hope you have a wonderful day.**

**Thanks again for reading.**

Chapter 7

_Deep Dog Walking Thoughts_

_Snow is coming down all around us. _

_It makes Clementine act like she's possessed as she pulls me around the path trying to dive into snow banks._

_I'm wet, cold and covered in dirty slush as fluffy, white flakes hit me in the eye. _

_I need to get back and start prepping the store for Christmas. Tonight, I will be saying a prayer on the first star I see tonight for customers this holiday season. _

_I haven't seen Edward in a week. I miss him._

_Having sex with Edward was a dumb ass move. _

_Yes, Isabella Swan, you are an idiot._

"Looks like a big case of stupid to me, Bella."

I looked down from the step stool I was using to hang gold tinsel on the staircase that led upstairs. Alice was placing shiny balls onto the Christmas tree that stood in the middle of the store. The white lights danced among the deep green of the pine needles. It was lovely, but I was cranky and sad. My Christmas spirit was squashed.

"I shouldn't have slept with him," I agreed. Once again, I rushed into a situation and got burned. It wasn't Edward's fault and I didn't blame him a bit for running for the hills. I would have done the same thing if I was him. "He wasn't ready to get into such an intense situation. He's _still_ in love with a dead woman! It makes perfect sense because he was married to her! I mean how does someone ever get over such a thing? I feel like a cad! I should be twirling my devious, imaginary mustache. That poor man is probably so distur—"

My mouth wouldn't stop spouting a plethora of word vomit.

Alice stopped hanging her balls to smirk at me. "I was talking about that god awful tinsel you're using. There's some nice garland in a box over there. I must agree with you that sexing up the emo employee was an idiotic move. That's two cases of stupid."

I sat down on a step and started ripping the gold fringes in my hands. "What do I do, Al?"

"First thing, we switch the garish tinsel with the garland." She walked over and sat next to me. Throwing her arm around my shoulder, Alice continued, "Next, you keep that chin up and keep on keeping on, Swan. You listened to your vagina and not that brain of yours. Mistakes happen and, after Emmett's fat ass, I'm surprised it didn't happen sooner. You got caught up in a moment after a dry spell, you learned a lesson and now you move on. Jasper has a friend—"

"No! That Aro guy taught me one of those valuable life lessons. I'll never be set-up by your husband again!"

She huffed, "Arthur wasn't that bad!"

Arthur Van Johnson, who changed his name to Aro Volturi to try to take the art world by storm, was a little weasel. He wore all black with his dyed, dark hair slicked back in a ponytail as he tried to wax poetic about his success as an artist in Italy. Arthur actually worked as a stock boy in the local Walmart and was from Omaha.

I punched him in the nose when he tried to grab my boob. It was not even close to a match made in heaven.

"If Clementine didn't try to eat them, I should get tons of cats. I would make a mighty fine cat lady." I sighed and looked at the ceiling imaging my life full of feline companions and litter boxes. It wasn't a pretty sight.

"Get back on the horse or, I should say, penis of someone who isn't emotionally invested in the deceased." Alice tapped me on the skull three times and said, "Think, think, think about other available male options."

I shook my head and admitted, "I only want Edward."

Alice got up and tapped my head again harder. "You are ridiculous. I give up."

It was ridiculous to pine for someone who wouldn't ever let himself love me in the future. My friend spoke only the truth. I just needed some time to get over what happened. More importantly, I needed to get over him.

The bell rang over the door and for a brief moment I hoped Edward would be strolling in. Instead Emmett entered with his heavy, snow boots pounding on the wood floors and making wet marks in the shape of his feet. His blue eyes lost all the sparkle I once saw in them. "Hey Jingle Bell, Mike and I—"

That's when my enemy appeared gracing my shop with his malignant superiority.

Mike Newton had changed much from when we were young. The sandy hair that he had always been so proud of was thinning rapidly. His once trim body from high school football was now showing quite a paunch in the middle. The change in his looks didn't mean a change in demeanor, because he was still a conceited prick.

"Hello, Isabella," he greeted me breezily.

"Get out." I pointed to the door, trying to remain calm. "Both of you."

Mike cocked an eyebrow at me and gave a smirk. "I'm here as a goodwill gesture. Call it my version of the Christmas spirit."

My fists clenched and I noticed how Alice came up next to me. Her face mirrored mine in anger and disgust. I knew with every nerve in my body tingling that he was up to no good. I was close to punching him and that sure would put a damper on the holidays when my dad threw me in a jail cell with Waylon, the town drunk.

Emmett read my body language immediately and stepped in between us. "Listen Christmas Bell, we are both here to help you! Calm down, girl!"

"If you don't stop with the Jingle and Christmas Bells, I _promise_ a pot of scalding, horrible coffee on your head!" I wasn't in the mood for these buffoons.

"Just let me know when to get the pot, Bella," Alice stated helpfully.

Emmett put his hands up defensively. "Calm down, girl. Mike, this is probably a bad time."

"Anytime either of you are in this store is a bad time, McCarty," I spat. "You both need to leave before I call my dad and he escorts you both out of here in handcuffs."

I stomped back to the tree and pulled out a glass ornament out of the box. It was a gold star I loved that every year shined brightly as the Christmas lights lit it from behind. To me it stood for hope, possibilities and—

"The bank is increasing your payments. Jim told me when I was over there to make a deposit. There will be no way for you to afford the amount they want you to pay each month, Bella. You are barely handling what you pay now."

The ornament dropped out of my hand at Mike's words. It shattered into hundreds of pieces of glass that made the dark wood floors shimmer. My star breaking into jagged, shards was most certainly an omen for things to come.

I turned around slowly and stared into Mike's smug face. "What _did_ you do?"

"Why do you always assume the worst about me?" He had the audacity to ask.

"Because you are the worst person in the world," Alice pointed out.

My mind was reeling at the thought of how I was going to afford to keep my business. I had barely figured out how Jane and I were going to fund redoing the store to add a restaurant. It was glaringly apparent that I was screwed.

Emmett reached a hand towards me, but Alice swatted it away. "No touching, fat ass."

"Bella honey, I need you to trust me on this. I want to help you!" Emmett ignored Alice and moved even closer. "Mike is here to offer you a great price! If the store is foreclosed, you'll lose everything."

"What do you get out of this, Em? Did you ever have any good intentioned feelings towards me? Damn it! You know how I love this house and my store!"

I could see the bulldozers in my mind, as they erased my sanctuary from the earth. A tear escaped from the corner of my eye leaving a trail of heat to travel down my cheek.

"Honey, you can join me at my diner for a while. I need a new waitress. Then we can convert the barn on my parent's farm as a little book store for you and a place for Ma to sell her jelly." He smiled largely. "I know you love it here, but I think it's time for you to rejoin the McCarty family."

Selling jelly and the bodice ripper paperbacks that Emmett's mother loved in the barn next to the cows was the last thing I ever wanted to do. It was also the last thing that Emmett wanted as well. It took pleading for him to let me have dinner with them when we first started dating and they knew me since the day I was born. This whole thing was suspicious.

"I should clarify this for you, because obviously you forgot." I swallowed thickly. "You broke up with me. This new renewed interest in me makes no sense. What the hell is Mike giving you to rekindle our relationship?"

"Don't be that way, Bell—" Emmett began before he was interrupted by Mike.

"This offer isn't going to be on the table for long. When this place is foreclosed on, I can get this place for peanuts. However, I'm a kind man and willing to do a favor for my neighbor. I was thinking a bit below what the listed price would be. The economy is not the greatest you know."

For a moment, I actually considered his proposal. Business was terrible. I could barely afford groceries some months. My dreams were crumbling. A part of me wondered of taking Mike's offer was better than losing it to him for nothing. I could start over, but I had no desire to leave.

"Ms. Swan, will not be taking your offer," Edward stated, as he approached us. I didn't even notice that he had entered the wore a business suit that fit him perfectly and his wire-rimmed glasses were perched on his nose. A briefcase was in one hand and a cylinder carrier that usually contained building blueprints was in the other. "Bella darling, I have the plans for the kitchen area."

There was a collective dropping of mouths. I stared at this newly confident Edward in shock. Emmett was the first to regain his composure. "What the fuck are you talking about? Shouldn't you be mopping the floor?"

"I will be doing that a bit later if my girlfriend needs me to, but now I'm working as her architect," Edward explained as he arched an eyebrow at Emmett. "Please excuse us, gentlemen. Bella and I have to discuss these plans."

_Girlfriend?_

Mike growled at him, "Bella can't afford her mortgage. How do you think she will be able to pay for renovations to this dump?"

Edward smiled smugly. "She has some very passionate investors that wish to see her business thrive."

"It seems the problem is solved, Mikey!" Alice chirped happily. "Get lost, chump. I have a stapler with your name on it."

Mike went pale and if I wasn't in a certain amount of shock I would have laughed.

"You'll regret this, Bella!" Mike sneered. He rushed out of the store angrily.

Alice gave a laugh and said, "Attack a guy once in first grade with a stapler and get a reputation forever."

Emmett face was the picture of disappointment. "I don't know who you are anymore, Bella."

"She's finally being taken care of." Edward pushed him out the door, much to Emmett's displeasure. Emmett sputtered angrily as Edward closed the door in the large man's face. He turned towards me. "Bella, I need to talk to you."

I just knelt down on the floor by the shards of glass on autopilot. My mind was spinning. "I need to clean this up."

Edward sat next to me. "Bella, everybody is pitching in. I've been around to talk other people in town and they want to help you. No one here wants Michael Newton to take over this place."

"Jasper and I will help out!" Alice chimed in. "Bella, it will be your Christmas miracle! Damn, I sound cheesy."

"I appreciate all this, but—" I began to say, as my hand was sliced by a piece of glass.

Edward pulled me up and cradled my bleeding hand in his. "Let's get you fixed up."

I let him lead me to the kitchen. When we arrived I watched him pull out the first aid kit, as I held a wad of paper towels around my hand and leaned against the side of the counter. He was so at ease at that moment. This was a completely different man then I was used to.

"We need to wash this," he pointed out. Gently he placed my hand under the running water. It hurt and I couldn't contain a gasp. Edward kissed my hair softly. "We'll fix you right up."

"You're an architect." I didn't know anything about this man.

"I was." He slowly patted the wound so it would dry and then began to wrap it with a bandage. "I guess I am. I messed up on Thanksgiving, Bella. I'm so truly sorry. I should have stayed and talked through my feelings with you. I'm afraid I've ruined the best thing that's ever happened to me."

Wasn't Heidi the best thing that ever happened to him?

I took my hand away from him. "No Edward, I need to apologize. Things went too far and I don't know what the hell I was thinking. Maybe it was a mix of feeling lonely and really liking you. I feel like a fool. I can't compete with a ghost and I need to respect what you still feel for her."

"You should never feel like I'm comparing the two of you. It had been rough between us for a while, but when Heidi died—" Edward's faraway look returned, but he quickly replace it with a rueful smile. "I was wrong to say that I wished I could love you. The truth is that I'm afraid."

He moved closer and I followed like we were magnets that weren't able to escape the pull our bodies had to the other. Edward placed both hands on my arms. I looked up into those green eyes of him that reminded me of the calmness I feel when surrounded by the tall oaks when I walk Clementine. I admitted, "I'm scared too. Emmett left me pretty fragile. "

"I think we should heal each other." He pressed his lips to my forehead. "I think what's happening between us is powerful. I've buried myself and thoughts of you and making this store your dream since I snuck out that morning. I was a man possessed to finish the plans for you. I was so sad not having you around me. I thought it was my punishment for Heidi's death. It's not fair to you or to me to let these feelings of guilt continue."

I buried my head in his chest. "There's the problem, Edward. You need to open up to me about what happened and why you feel guilty. That's the only way this can work."

His long finger brought up my chin. Edward asked, "Would you go out on a real date with me tonight? I'll answer all of your questions."

I decided to take a leap of faith. "Yes, I'll go out with you."

Our lips met and hope blossomed.

I pulled away slightly. "I'm your girlfriend?"

"It was presumptuous, but I really wanted to get rid of that ex-boyfriend of yours." Edward smirked. "Did you see his face? Priceless."

In retrospect, it was fantastic.

"We don't want to rush into anything else. Now that we have our non-relationship status settled—" I began to pull away, but was pulled back into Edward's arms.

"It's not settled at all, because I'm planning on wooing you the right way and making you my girl," Edward admitted. "Tonight is a new beginning, Bella."

Another kiss and suddenly life was full of renewed possibilities.


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: I just love a mystery. ****Don't you?**

Chapter 8

_Deep Dog Walking Thoughts:_

_Something rotten was going down in the town of Forks and it wasn't the dead squirrel lying on the path that Clementine wanted to eat. _

_After everything that happened this morning, my dog wanting to eat a rotting, large rodent was the only thing that made sense._

_The bank had a stinky rodent in it like this squirrel and his name was James Hansen. He was the only one who had the ego and the completely unethical disposition to manipulate my payments to try to ruin my business. He hated me since nursery school when I poured paste on his head. Ruin my painting of happy sunshines and I will take you down with glue. _

_I was fairly certain that James and Mike were working together to steal my property. Those jerks were tennis partners and it would work together like an evil dynamic duo, but how Emmett fit in was still a mystery. He was never friends with them. _

_It wasn't going to be easy to get James fired from the bank even after breaking about a million laws by opening his big mouth to Mike. This was probably an inflated amount of laws, but I wasn't a lawyer or a judge. All I knew was that this was all highly unethical, but James's father ran the bank. It was going to be a challenge to get James sacked, but I was going to do it._

_Clementine was trying to pull me around to get back to that squirrel, because rigor mortis made the squirrel meat even more appetizing, The thought of which made me want to throw up. I was teetering on actually accomplishing that fact in a prickly bush next to me. __Vomit made me think about dinner. Dinner which I would be attending with Edward Cullen this evening._

_Hello, upchuck._

The restaurant, or I should say, bistro was in nearby Port Angeles. It was one of those places that had linen table cloths, candles on the tables and an actual wine list. The stereotypical French countryside decor was a bit suspect when the menu was primarily Americanized Italian.

"Is this okay?" Edward asked worriedly.

My fingers twisted the linen napkin around in my hand. "There's no deer head on the wall. It's a step up from most places in Forks."

There was an uncomfortable silence. I looked at a painting of the Eiffel Tower and wished this could be an easier situation to deal with. We both screwed up and kissing him was just one more mistake I could add to my list of Bella Swan's Long Tally of Really Stupid Mistakes.

It was real and written on a notepad that was decorated with My Little Ponies.

"We shouldn't have kissed today," I blurted out. "When it comes to you, I do the dumbest things. You need to stop being so handsome."

"You have a way for me to correct this? Should I grow a mullet and wear ripped jeans?" One of his now frequent smiles graced his face.

"I would like you to be serious for a moment, Edward," I implored. "We had an one night stand. It was ill-advised and not the brightest idea on both of our parts. You disappeared the next morning and then⎯"

He grabbed my hand from across the table. "I really don't need a recap, because I will always feel horrible for what I did."

"You hurt me." I pulled my hand away and crossed my arms over my chest. "I don't know if I can trust what's happening between us. Will you freak out again? I could lose my store and I need to direct all my attention on saving it."

The candle light flickered in Edward's face making him look even more handsome. "I can't promise I won't have moments of worry. My life has been very messed up the last couple of years, but for the first time in what feels like forever, I can see a future. A future with you."

"You have some pretty words there, Edward. The problem with pretty words is that sometimes they're untrue. I trusted Emmett and where did that get me?"

Edward slid a file folder in front of me. "It got you a whole lot of problems, Bella. That jerk was never good enough for you. I did some digging and found out that your ex-boyfriend is in a whole lot of financial trouble."

I opened up the folder and found a series of documents that laid out how much money Emmett owed in back taxes. It was so much that he could possibly lose his family farm along with the diner. "Damn that ass! Things are finally coming clearer. I knew Emmett's change of heart concerning me wasn't genuine! I would be willing to bet that Mike would be happy to help Emmett to pay those debts to get him to convince me into selling."

"What about the guy from the bank telling him about raising your mortgage? That is extremely unethical." Edward tapped the file in front of me. "All of the information I got on McCarty was public record, because his property is going to go into foreclosure and be auctioned off. What happened with the bank is illegal."

"In a small town like Forks I wouldn't be surprised that James thinks he can get away with anything he wants. His dad is the head of the bank and his uncle is the mayor. The only reason I can think that he would want to help Mike is that they are planning on going into business together. They've always been friends, but not good enough that James would help him out without getting anything for himself," I explained.

Edward's face grew grim. "Bella, we are going to stop them together. I refuse to let you get hurt by them anymore."

I was about to question how exactly we were going to stop Mike when the waiter appeared. He was a shorter man who looked a little bit like Woody Harrelson from his _Cheers_ days. The man's smile was bordering on lecherous. "What can I get for you tonight, pretty lady?"

"Gin, a twist of lime, but easy on the tonic, buddy," I directed and looked back at the menu.

Edward looked up at him and growled, "I think she needs some respect. Where's your manager?"

I looked up to see a very cranky Edward Cullen. A jealous Edward was amusing.

"I was just taking your order, sir." The waiter flashed him a smile that was very similar to the one he was giving me. The waiter was checking us both out this evening. "I apologize if you believe I was being forward to your date. What can I get you, sir?"

"A vodka. Neat," Edward replied.

The waiter went towards the bar and I grinned at Edward. "Consider yourself lucky that the waiter thinks you're cute! If he didn't, I think you would have some spit in your drink."

"He was flirting with you! Couldn't he see that we are on a date?" Edward ignored my remark about the waiter's enjoyment of his appearance.

"Oh honey, he was flirting with both of us!" I teased. "I bet he's imagining a threesome in the kitchen right this minute."

Edward visibly paled.

I squeezed his knee. "Don't worry, Edward Cullen. I will protect you from the wait staff."

Edward squeezed my knee in return. "You make my life infinitely more exciting."

At least I was good for that.

XXXXXX

Five hours later, we were back in my house settled on the couch and drinking coffee. The conversation at the restaurant never went to Edward's past with Heidi. Instead we talked about favorite childhood memories and television programs that were must see. It was breezy and joyful to be with him like that, but we really needed to delve deeper into our pasts.

"Heidi was my college girlfriend. My dad loved her. She was pre-med and I had always thought that he liked her because she was pursuing the dreams he had for me," Edward said as he began to explain his relationship with his deceased wife. "I think, looking back at it now, I was using her to get my dad off my back. He would have the fellow doctor in the family in my wife."

"It wasn't fair of your dad, Edward." I took a sip of the steaming mug of java. "It wasn't fair of you to use Heidi either."

"I agree, though at the time I thought of the affection I had for her was love. We were young. I thought getting married would deepen that affection, instead my internships at the architecture firm and her hours studying in medical school was pulling us farther apart." Edward took my mug out of my hands and placed it onto the coffee table and wrapped his arms around me. His face was becoming more melancholy. "She was spending more time with my dad. It made sense to me. He was becoming a mentor to her. I didn't suspect the late nights being anything more than dad helping her study."

It was all becoming clear.

"Oh shit," I whispered.

"As you eloquently put it, oh shit indeed." Edward rested his head on mine. "They were having an affair."

"How did you find out?" My mind was reeling at Edward's admission. I grasped his hand to center myself and to give him some comfort.

Quietly he told his tale.

_I had been working late on the plans for a client. It was a reconstruction of a plantation and I remember how annoyed I was that I had to do the project. They had been bothering me for weeks with awful looking changes to the design and I was feeling pissed about it. I had been snapping at Heidi due to my work and she was yelling a me in response. Everything was so stressful between us at that point. It was like I was living with a roommate that I wasn't very fond of and not a wife._

_The thought of returning home to the chilly reception I was going to receive from Heidi made me feel ill. Another long night of the two of us barely talking while she watched Masterpiece Theater and guzzled a bottle of wine was depressing. That was when I decided to head to my parent's house and sleep in my old bedroom. I knew that at least my mother would be happy to see me and I could relax in my childhood bedroom that was covered in baseball pennants and supermodel posters, read my favorite comic books and have my mom bring me cookies. It was going to be nice to feel loved again._

_I didn't know my mom had rushed out to help a sick friend of hers. She was always helping others back then. Mom was selfless to a fault back then._

_What did mom's selflessness get her? Get me? As soon as my mom walks out the door my father has my wife come over and they have sex on my mom's favorite cream colored couch. _

_T__he door wasn't locked, so I just walked right in like I always did. I couldn't get that image out of my mind if I tried. __It wasn't even that Heidi cheated on me. It was bound to have happened if we didn't get divorced first. The betrayal by my own father was what cut the deepest. I knew we didn't have the closest relationship, but he was my father! My mother is a saint and he just trampled over their relationship! Carlisle Cullen is a monster._

I pulled away slightly from Edward as he finished his tale. I knew I didn't like Carlisle Cullen, but this made me hate him even more. What kind of man would do that to his son? My dad had that creep figured out from the start.

"Why did you stay with Heidi, Edward? Your mother with Carlisle?" I questioned trying to wrap my head around this family and the way they operated.

"I guess my father guilted Mom into staying with him. There's nothing Dad hates more than a scandal. She loves him and I don't think that she knows that she could survive without him. That's why she's taking all the medication she does. It numbs her from reality." Edward moved away from me and clasped his hands on his lap, looking down at them. He added bitterly. "Heidi begged me to stay and that she thought we could fix things. I didn't want to fail and I blamed myself for pushing her away and to my dad."

I began to rub his back. "Edward Cullen, it takes two to tangle. You weren't good for each other, but that doesn't give her the right to break your marriage vows. If she didn't want to respect them or you then she should have ended the marriage."

"That's because you have a virtuous nature, Bella. A beautiful soul." Edward took my palm and kissed it. "I don't think Heidi had that. The fights got worse. She would be missing from home most nights. I wasn't sure if the affair was continuing with my father, but there were others. She stopped hiding the souvenirs from her trysts. There were concert tickets, jewelry and torn underwear-"

"Jesus," I whispered.

"There was nothing holy about what she was doing, Bella," Edward corrected with a sad smile. "That didn't mean I wanted her dead."

A horrible marriage that was full of betrayal. It was like a living soap opera. If you add in Heidi's tragic death you would have a storyline that was almost unbelievable. Then it hit me.

"Why did you go camping with her, Edward?"

He stared at the wall as the memories came flooding back.

"She thought we needed a trip to repair our marriage. That if we were out on our own away from our everyday life that we could overcome our issues. So off into the woods we headed."

Rolling my eyes, I scoffed, "Ever heard of a little thing called therapy? I've heard that it works better than communing with ticks and other woodland creepy crawlies."

"She didn't want to admit that she needed that kind of help." He leaned his head in the back of the couch. "Heidi was stubborn. That stubbornness was apparent from the moment we stepped out of the car to setup the campsite and our fighting grew even more heated as the day wore on. By lunch time we were trading barbs and she was regaling me with details of all of her affairs."

I swallowed thickly. "Then she ended up dead."

He sat up quickly and circled me in his arms. "I didn't kill her!"

"I know!" I placed both hands on his face. "I believe you!"

"I had to get away from her. I told her I was going to get more supplies and ended up at this dive bar right outside of the state park." Tears filled his eyes. "The rangers found me there after some campers discovered her body being consum-"

He was unable to speak as the grief overcame him. I held him tightly as he wept into my chest. In my heart, I knew he wasn't at fault. It would have spiraled out of control if he stayed. Edward was only doing what he thought was right.

It took quite awhile, but when he finally calmed down enough to speak, Edward said, "I didn't kill her, but he blames me."

"Your father," I stated the obvious. Carlisle had probably been using Heidi's death to make Edward even more dependent on him and make him pay.

"He wants me to suffer. Hearing his insults is my punishment." Edward wiped his eyes on his sleeve. "It's what I deserve. He moved us here, so there wouldn't be anymore whispering about my involvement. There were still so many questions about my innocence. When I had my breakdown it gave him the perfect excuse to get his therapist friend to medicate me and keep me close."

"You need to get away from him, Edward. You aren't going to go back there!" I put my forehead against his. "You stay with me at least for tonight."

There was something odd about Heidi's death and I was going to be doing some digging. Edward was blaming himself for this woman's death when in my heart I knew he was being punished unfairly. I was going to find out the truth, because until then he would never be truly able to heal.

"I thought we were going to take things slow?" Edward asked, looking confused.

"We keep breaking all the rules anyway. Might as well add this to the list of Bella's dumb ideas." I blushed a little.

"You have wonderful ideas," Edward disagreed. He kissed my forehead. "This couch seems comfy."

"The couch is horrible. You will have springs up your butt and a terrible back ache. You can sleep in my bed. You promise to be good?" I gave him a wink.

"I'm more worried about you," he teased. A lightness was returning to his eyes. "Are you sure about this?"

"I'm one hundred percent sure."

Three hours later, I was about ninety percent sure as Edward, clad only in boxers, clung to me. His bare chest was pressed up against my tee-shirt and his bare legs twisted with mine. I stared down as his beautiful face twisted slightly as another nightmare began to torment him.

As I did the time before, I stroked his auburn hair and hummed a lullaby that my father used to sing to me when I was a child.

Edward's grip tightened around me as I continued my wordless song, as the moonlight filled the room and the stars gave me something to wish on.


End file.
